based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize