I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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