I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
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I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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