Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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