I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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