I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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