yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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