I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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