Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what day is it and did you see me today?
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She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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