areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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