Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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