he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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