You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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