he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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