So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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