Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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