HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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