I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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