I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
how drunk are you?
Several
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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