I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize