you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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