Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I believe in your delicious
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize