No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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