Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize