Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize