my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize