hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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