we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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