I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need to calm my uterus...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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