Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
