Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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