pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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