i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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