I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize