I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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