Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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