I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my shit smells like andre
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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