So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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