dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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