Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize