mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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