We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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