my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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