Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize