If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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