Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize