I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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