The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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