Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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