distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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